How to know and understand what women want

As you look your woman straight in the eyes and ask her “what is the matter ?” and all you get is a shake of the head, you just know from the look on her face that something is wrong, something is bothering her and she is not happy with something you have done, said, or in how you have behaved towards her.

No matter how hard you try to be nice to her , nothing you do seems to change that look in her eyes. As a man do you ever fully understand this.

You make her a cup of tea, you make her dinner, you buy her flowers, you take her out for a meal, you are doing everything nice for her that you possibly can ,and whilst your niceness may be acknowledged, it still is not enough to make her feel happy. Why is she not appreciating everything you are doing for her you ask yourself. You tell yourself she should be thankful and not be such an ungrateful so and so.

There was a time when I was married, I felt as if I were to jump into a pond full of hungry alligators to save the wife's drowning mother, no matter how much thanks I got at the time, it would still not be enough to put things right, if I couldn't understand where I was going wrong in the first place.

So after umpteen years of various relationships, failing, winning, losing, marriage breakdowns, lost loves, am I finally beginning to understand about women, am I starting to go down the right track I wonder.

I believe so, though possibly some women may have fallen off their chairs laughing at this statement of mine by now.

So what is the answer, I can hear you men asking.

Well here is my take on it.

We all know that men are the hunter gatherer kind, whilst women are the nursing, mothering , lets build a nest kind. To the man any problem is just another annoying little problem simply a pain in the side that may need fixing, and that is exactly what he will try to do - fix it.

However for a woman when she has a problem , she first needs the man to understand the problem she is having. As men we all know women are always confiding in other women, quite naturally it is because they are also great listeners. But for us men we are not interested in listening, we just want to simply fix the problem for her. That is what we feel we are designed to do, it is what comes natural to us men.

So how do we get that smile and look, of love back into our woman’s eyes.

Here I believe is the secret.

Firstly, you have to listen to what she is telling you about why she is feeling so upset. Get her to talk to you, and you must listen, when she talks to you. Don't just simply nod in the right places and then ignore what was being said.

Forget your natural instinct to think she is just being emotional, or it is that time of the month. Forget your need to give an instant fixing solution to her problem, but actually listen to what it is she is trying to tell you.

Take on board that which she is telling you. Try and understand the emotion behind her words, rather than just feeling anger at what you think is just a simple problem that could easily be resolved by yourself. Try to avoid telling her and yourself why does she have this problem(what you see to be a really silly problem and unnecessary).

Secondly, it is important to let her see that you are listening to what she has been telling you.

Show that you are caring and interested in her problem. A little bit of empathy will go a long way to letting her know that you are listening to her and caring about her needs.

Thirdly and most importantly , don't try buying her problem off with flowers, meals etc., but actually (and this is where the good bit is if you are a man), fix whatever it is YOU are doing wrong.

You will never ever be able to do things right for her, unless you first fix that which you are doing wrong for her.

Give her what SHE needs, and not what you think she wants, or what you think she should have, or what you think her needs are.

It is only when you are able to do this that all your good deeds of love will finally be rewarded and then appreciated by her. Only then will all your gifts of love for her be returned with an absolute loyalty and total abundance happily by the woman who truly loves you.

Now I hope you will please excuse me as I duck while all the comments come flying in..